Wednesday, January 2, 2013


Big Bear Lake 12.28.12

Kat Sloma at KatEye Studio is offering to host a monthly review of your photo archives. The details can be found HERE. To kick off the NEW YEAR, she's also designed a new logo... representing the changes in her photography. 

Last week, as JPE & I wandered the edge of Big Bear Lake, lost in our thoughts, I was struck by the fact that I don't have a vision for my future. I don't even think about the future. I say I may retire soon, but I think part of me is fearful that I'll lose my identity. Which is rubbish... I've never thought my work "identified" me... but lately, that's all I talk & think about. WORK PROJECTS have begun to consume me.

While I know the financial aspect scares me... I DO have my teacher's retirement, as well as an annuity account & I will qualify for some social security. BUT, I don't even want to think about the "health insurance" part of retirement --- that's truly scary (enough to make me think I should move out of the country). 

This month's Photo-Heart Connection is a blurry photo of the frozen vegetation on the edge of the lake. LIFE SEEMS BLURRY! what sort of clarity do I need, before I take the plunge to retire? should I request a part-time assignment for the 2013-14 school year?  School budgets are reviewed in February... what to do? what to do?

If I retired, I'd have the freedom to visit family (SLE in Washington DC), work in Allie's classroom (I love kinders), be able to spend more time with Lydia, and go hang-out with Mom... not to mention that JPE is working part-time this year (but not really, he's busier than ever - he's only getting paid for part-time work), so, technically, we could have MORE time together.  

BUT, as silly as this sounds, I fear not having the structure of being some place by a certain time every day! I'm not like JPE who tackles every day with the same routine. I worry that I will spend days in pj's - sipping endless cups of coffee & switching to tea for afternoon sipping. My crafting will sit in piles, the sewing machine will gather dust, my camera batteries will never get charged... and my computer will take the place of human interaction.

NO! perhaps I've talked myself out of retirement for another year???

My December Photo-Heart Connection truly represents the swirling, blurry confusion going on in my head. Where's the crystal clear solution? 


  1. It seems that all the fears are simply thoughts which you can chose to believe or not! Whatever you chose to do: retire or not to retire, it will be the right thing for you to do in the moment... your inner intuition will guide you - what do you think? I often find that clarity returns when I let go of my thoughts! Good luck!

  2. I love this..blurry. I totally get it. I found difficult decisions have to just sit for a bit until the answer reveals itself. Trust me, if you decide to retire in May, they'll still let you. It's up to YOU! Or maybe it's just not time yet. One of my dear friends retired and 6 months later took a job at a place that specialized in flower bulbs. She tended gardens, planted, took orders, bagged orders, mailed orders, put the garden beds to rest for the winter-took few months off and did it again. And she earned a little minimum wage plus to keep the pocketbook more secure. You never know what new passion might be there to keep you on schedule. Good luck, but don't fret. the right decision will reveal itself.

  3. I agree with Sandra and Susan here, that the right answer will come to you and you'll know. How amazing that your image just perfectly reflects the "blur", the sort of mixed up confused time you are in right now. After reading your words here, I wonder how different your image will be down the road when you have retired?

    Sending you peaceful thoughts...

  4. A lovely photo and perfect meditation!
    Thanks for sharing,
    Rinda (visiting from PHC)

  5. Yes, this is a big decision. As the others commented, follow your heart. I was fearful too when I retired from teaching three years ago, but it's been wonderful to have the freedom. I have no regrets. Your image illustrates your state of mind so well. Good luck!

  6. It's a great photo. It must be a hard decision but I am sure you will get the answer and hope it'll bring some clarity! Good luck!

  7. Wow, that is a big decision! I think retirement is a transition that takes getting used to. Good luck with your decision making.
    It is good to catch up with you.

  8. The crystal clear solution... Does one ever exist? So many changes to be thinking about and facing, I can see why it's blurry. But it's also beautiful... you have options! You have choices, and no real deadlines, which is a wonderful place to be. You don't have to make any decisions right now. Allow the questions to float, and the right answers will eventually rise to the top with them. Thanks for sharing your tough questions in the Photo-Heart Connection.

  9. I don't think there is a crystal clear solution either, I think decisions are what we all have to make all the time, some are bigger than others of course. If I have a big decision to make I live with it for a day and night and then the next day and night I live with the other version. At the end of this time one or other will be clearer to me. I have decided to retire this year, I have set the date it is in 6 weeks. I know it is right for me this time, as you will when it is right. Oh dear, I only just 'met' you and I'm chatting away as if to my self! forgive me? I am visiting you from PHC which I have only just 'found' I must feel comfortable here, I hope so, it feels like a good place to be. Your photo is a wonderful connection to your head and heart.

  10. Your image is beautiful! To be honest, I didn't notice it was blurry. I was drawn to the beautiful sparkles and the bokeh! Wishing you a happy New Year and hopeing things will become clearer for you!

  11. Wish you can go with the flow and everything goes so you want, do what your heart tells. I like your photo so much.



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